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21 Questions For Couples

How well do you really know your partner? Here's my list of 21 questions for couples to test how well you really know him or her. Read more ⇣
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Written By Erica
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I'm Erica. I love to help people in their relationships and spiritual lives. I've been through a lot of ups and downs, and I want to share my insights with you.
21 Questions For Couples

We often don’t take the time to ask each other the more important questions.

This is most true in relationships, where we tend to get so caught up in the “doing” part of love that we forget to pay attention to our partners’ feelings and what they believe.

Here I’ve come up with 21 questions for couples you can ask one another, to put your knowledge of each other to the test.

After this article, you should have a general idea of what to expect from these questions and how these can deepen your connection.

Make sure you also check out my list of 21 questions for a new relationship, and for adults.

How to play ’21 questions for couples’?

This is the easiest game to play and the only thing you need to do is be honest in your answers.

To make the game more interesting, players can divide up the questions and give them points. If a player answers all of the questions correctly they win.

Let’s get started …

21 Questions For Couples

1. Do you plan to have kids?

If you’re not sure whether or not you want children, this question can help clarify things. 

There are a lot of factors to consider when it comes to having kids, and discussing them early on in a relationship will only benefit you in the long run. 

If one partner wants a big family with several children and the other doesn’t, there will be tension and conflict until those issues are worked out. The same goes for deciding on how many children to have. 

It’s an important conversation because it affects both people and their future happiness, so if there’s any doubt about your decision, make time to discuss it before committing for life!

2. What have you always wanted to do together that we haven’t?

This question not only gets couples talking, but it allows them to share dreams and desires. It opens the door for each person to express what they want in life. 

This can also help couples to see if they are heading in the right direction or if there is a need for some change or compromise. 

This question also allows couples to express things they would like their partner to try with them, whether they enjoy an activity or something new they have wanted to experience.

3. If you had the chance to gain an ability, what would that be?

By asking this question, you can learn more about what your partner values. Sure, it’s easy to identify the qualities you admire in other people.

But what would your life be like if you had them? (Hint: It would be pretty great.)

If you could gain any quality or ability, what would it be? What do you wish was different about yourself? What would they be if a genie were to grant you three wishes right now? 

Think hard and fast, as there are no wrong answers.

4. What are your ambitions for this relationship?

When you ask this question, you’re not just asking about a partner’s career plans. You’re also asking what they want from the partnership – for instance, is one person looking for marriage and the other isn’t.

You may be surprised to learn that your partner has always wanted to work on a farm or help people somehow. It might be an idea they’ve always had but never said out loud. 

Having your partner’s goals out in the open can help better understand where each person stands with their life plan.

5. What are you hesitant to accomplish that I could help with?

This question is a good one to ask because it helps get to the root of things. Sometimes people are hesitant about accomplishing something in life. 

For example, maybe your partner wants to start a business but has never owned one before. Maybe they want to change jobs, and you don’t support this idea. 

Maybe they want to attend college again, but you don’t think it’s necessary. 

Whatever the case may be, asking this question will help get both people on the same page to accomplish great things together as a couple. 

By focusing on your partner’s dreams, you set your relationship up for success and happiness at every turn!

6. What are the to-do things on your bucket list?

Your partner’s answers could shed light on their values and how they see themselves in the future. 

What’s more, these big goals might just give you a new way to connect as a couple if you decide to take on something together. 

Maybe you’re both dreaming of traveling the world – or maybe one of you is craving adventure while the other just wants to spend time at home with friends and family. 

The point is, this question gives each partner an opportunity to express what they most want out of life and – maybe even more importantly – why.

7. How do you see us resolving conflict?

Many people will say that this is an excellent question to ask on a first date – after all, what do you want from a partner, if not someone who can help you grow and evolve into the best version of yourself? 

But it’s also an excellent question to ask when you’re in the throes of a relationship because it allows your partner to speak about his or her core values. 

Most importantly, you get to see how you solve conflict and confront your problems whenever they arise.

8. What things do you value most from the start of our relationship?

This question is important because it gives you the chance to talk about the things and values that are most important to you in a relationship. After all, this is what makes your relationship work for you.

It will also give you a better idea of what kind of things he does and does not value, which will be helpful when you want to plan surprises or experiences for him. 

For example, if spending quality time with each other is very important to him, then planning a romantic weekend getaway may be very appreciated by him.

9. What moment did you know you wanted to be with me?

Asking this question will help you understand the reason why your partner decided to start a romantic relationship with you. 

It could also be an opportunity for them to share with you some of the happy moments they experienced while in love with you, and this is good news! 

This will allow you to feel more confident about your partner’s feelings and intentions.

After asking this question, make sure to listen carefully and ask questions about what was said. This will show your interest in their feelings and create a deeper communication between the two of you.

10. When do you feel most secure and stable in our relationship?

This is an important question to ask because when you feel secure in a relationship, it may mean that you feel like you can be yourself. It means that you have a safe space to discuss your problems. 

It can also be when you trust your partner, or when your partner cares about your needs. Ultimately, this question gets at what makes the both of you tick and helps make for a deeper understanding between the two of you.

11. What actions make you feel most loved?

Asking your partner about what makes them feel loved doesn’t have to be a super deep, soul-searching ordeal. 

It can be as simple as sending a text message or making an effort to incorporate their preferences into your daily life. 

It could even be something you do on autopilot, like giving them a hug when you get home from work. Whatever it is, showing you care in these small ways adds up over time and helps build trust in your relationship.

Knowing what makes us feel loved also lets us show our partners how much we appreciate them. 

By asking this question and being willing to listen (without judgment), it sets up a safe space for communication that allows both partners to feel understood, leading to closer intimacy between them over time.

12. What makes a relationship last for eternity?

This question is essential for a couple because if you share the same idea as your partner of what makes a relationship last, that creates a strong foundation and sense of security. 

If you don’t share the same ideas, this is an opportunity to learn more about each other and develop shared ideals. 

This also helps you find a common ground on a core belief that makes relationships last, whether that’s friendship, commitment, or something else entirely.

13. What transpired your belief about love and relationship?

This question is so important because it allows your partner to get a snapshot of how you view love. 

It gives them insight into what you value in relationships and helps set the tone for the kind of relationship you’d like to have with them.

Have they had experiences that taught them about compromise and sacrifice? Have they been inspired by long-term loving relationships? Do they want a partner that challenges and inspires them or one that makes life easier?

14. What do you believe a perfect day to look like?

Asking your partner about their perfect day is fun to learn more about them and understand their values, interests, and goals.

Ideal days are usually spent with people we love and doing things that will bring us closer to the life we want. 

It’s all too easy to get caught up in the mundane busyness of our everyday lives; discussing how you’d like to live your life in an ideal world is a great way to remind yourself what’s really important.

For example, if someone says they’d like to spend their perfect day surrounded by friends, it shows that they really value spending time with other people. 

If they say they’d want to spend their perfect day sleeping in until noon and getting an extra hour of sleep every night, it means that they can’t function without a certain amount of rest! 

Knowing these preferences can help you find more ways for the two of you together or allow you to give each other space when needed.

15. What is your definition of a balanced relationship?

Talking about a balanced relationship can help you understand how your partner defines a healthy and happy relationship. This question will also define what they feel is missing in your relationship, whether or not they are aware of it.

A balanced relationship is one where both partners feel like they’re getting what they need without giving up their identities. 

For example, this means a couple spends enough time together and apart, supports each other emotionally and in their careers, and respects each other during disagreements. 

If a couple feels this way in the context of their relationship, it’s likely to be positive for them as individuals too!

16. What don’t you know about me but want to?

Asking your partner a question like this has the potential to make you both feel closer. By going deeper, you get a sense of who they are and what’s important to that person. 

Additionally, by sharing information about yourself, you show your partner that they can trust you with their feelings and desires. 

You’re making them feel as in the relationship is a safe space they can open up to, regardless of what that thing is you don’t know yet about them.

17. What are you most grateful for?

While this may seem like a simple question to answer, being grateful for the things in your life is often something that we take for granted. 

We need to remember that all of these little things are what add up to make our lives great. Even if you have experienced loss or tragedy in your life, there is always something to be grateful for. 

You can be thankful for the people around you, the opportunities that you have been given, the challenges that you have overcome, the lessons you have learned, and even just another day of life itself.

18. Have you ever been in a toxic relationship before?

Think about the last relationship that didn’t work out for you. Was it the way your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend treated you? Did you feel like they always made you feel bad about yourself?

When you ask this question in a relationship, it allows both of you to understand specific fears and mindsets either of you may have about love. 

For instance, if your partner was in a manipulative relationship before, it will help you understand why they’re not as used to affection. This question will allow both of you to discuss a traumatic experience that occurred through a toxic relationship.

19. What are your deal breakers in a relationship?

This question is essential to ask as it helps couples determine what they value and the things that would absolutely not be acceptable in a relationship. 

It could also help you see if your partner’s priorities line up with yours or if there are potential incompatibilities. 

You might discover how much you are willing to tolerate in your partner and how much you are willing to change or be more compassionate to accommodate them.

When answering this question, be prepared to be open and honest with each other. Each partner should have the chance to talk about their own deal-breakers without being interrupted or judged by their partner. 

When answering the question yourself, try not to blame your partner for past failures. Instead, focus on what you can do differently in the future. 

This can lead to an agreement on the ground rules that will help a relationship succeed in the future.

20. What do you see in any potential future with me?

This question will give you a sense of where your partner’s head is at. And if their future plans don’t involve you in them, it’s important to know that now.

The answer may reveal whether or not your partner believes in the relationship long-term (they might have a five-year plan ready to go), or they might still be unsure about the relationship and don’t have any concrete goals or plans with you yet. 

Don’t take this personally if they don’t have an answer, but it will help you gauge where they’re at emotionally within the relationship and if they see a future with you.

21. What situations have shaped your principles and political stance?

When political differences can seem like they would be dealbreakers in relationships, it’s essential to understand where your partner is coming from and how they were led to their principles. 

This includes considering what role schooling, peers, experiences/events, media influences, and family members have played in shaping you and your partner’s opinions on political issues. 

Knowing these details gives you insight into the values that drive your partner’s beliefs. More importantly, having this understanding will help you know if your core values are compatible with theirs. 

It may also help you realize that despite the fact that your opinion on one issue differs from theirs, this doesn’t mean there isn’t more common ground between you than what first meets the eye.


If you have a good relationship, these conversations will strengthen it. If things aren’t so great, this could be a way to get the ball rolling toward fixing them. 

You never know what you will learn about your partner when you ask them these 21 questions for couples – but it’s guaranteed to bring you closer together! 

Also, you should check out my list of dirty 21 questions to ask your crush 🙂

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