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21 Questions For A New Relationship

List of '21 questions for a new relationship' to help you test the waters and see if you're compatible with one another. Read more ⇣
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Written By Erica
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I'm Erica. I love to help people in their relationships and spiritual lives. I've been through a lot of ups and downs, and I want to share my insights with you.
21 Questions for a New Relationship

Asking questions can be a great way to break the ice and get to know each other better. 

But beyond that, there are certain questions that can reveal deeper aspects of each other’s personalities, values, and goals.

I’ve come up with 21 questions for a new relationshiop to ask your new partner. This will help you test the waters and see if you’re compatible with one another.

By the end of this article, you should get a better sense of what questions to ask on your next date night or when having a romantic dinner together.

Make sure you also check out my list of 21 questions for couples and for adults.

How to play ’21 questions for a new relationship’?

This is the easiest game to play and the only thing you need to do is be honest in your answers.

To make the game more interesting, players can divide up the questions and give them points. If a player answers all of the questions correctly they win.

Let’s get started …

21 Questions For A New Relationship

1. Are you looking for commitment?

Asking your date to define the type of relationship you’re in is very important. It helps you determine whether or not this is someone who can be a long-term partner and someone you can get serious with. 

Asking this question will help you determine whether he’s looking for commitment or just a casual fling. 

If your partner isn’t as into commitment as you are, the relationship may eventually become boring for him, and he might look elsewhere for something more exciting. 

In that case, it would be better to break things off before going further in the relationship.

2. What values do you value most in a partner?

Before you can determine whether or not your relationship will go the distance, you need to agree on your core values. 

Values are beliefs about what’s important in life and living, such as honesty, integrity, family, equality, hard work, and environmentalism. 

Your partner’s values may be completely aligned with yours or they may differ greatly from theirs. 

Regardless of whether or not your values match up completely, it’s important to know what each other’s values are and how each one feels about them before committing to a relationship.

3. How is your relationship with your mom?

This question will reveal a lot about how he sees women, but this question is even more revealing. Here you are asking about his feelings for another human being – his own flesh and blood. 

More specifically, you are asking him to make an evaluation of himself in relation to his mother. 

Does he love her? Hate her? Respect her? Mistreat her? Or has he avoided dealing with his feelings altogether by simply holding them inside?

Whatever reaction he exhibits will give you more insight into who this man really is and what kind of relationship lies in your future should you choose to accept it.

4. What are your plans after retirement?

This question helps you to discover how long your potential partner to live after retirement. It also helps you ask about what they want to do in retirement and where they want to live. 

And it lets you ask about travel plans and how the person would want to spend his or her time.

This is a great question for a new relationship because you need as much information as possible before you make plans for your lives together.

5. What things make you the happiest?

It’s a simple question, but the answer can really give you an idea of what’s important to them. Follow up with a question about why, and find out even more about their passions and interests.

This is another good question that will help you gain valuable insight into your partner’s past experiences and character traits. 

The way they answer will also give you an idea of what they value most – which is important for establishing whether or not the two of you are on the same page.

6. Do you want children someday?

This is an important question, as it helps set the pace of your relationship. 

A lot of people don’t think about having kids, but if it’s something that you’d like to have in the future, then this might be an important time to talk with your partner and consider whether they’d be on board with that or not. 

Even if this is a new relationship, the worst mistake is dating someone who you don’t share a similar vision in life with. You might say it’s too early, but this can cause the falling out of your relationship.

7. Do you consider yourself religious or spiritual?

It’s a good idea to ask this question early on in the relationship because it gives you an idea of your partner’s values and outlook on life. 

Whether your new love interest is religious or not, this question can help you understand how they fit spirituality into their daily life. 

If they say they’re spiritual but not religious, ask why. It may be that religion isn’t important to them, but there are other things they believe in and care about deeply. 

If they are religious, find out more about what role faith plays in their life – hearing them talk about spirituality will give you clues on how important it is to them and how dedicated they are to practice their faith.

8. What scares you the most?

It might seem like a silly question, but it’s actually a very important one to ask. 

Knowing what scares you is the first step toward understanding what makes you tick and what truly matters to you – and that can provide some important insights into how ready you are for a new relationship.

For example, maybe you’re terrified of falling in love or your partner is afraid of being cheated on. This gives you a lot of significant insight into what they’ve experienced in life and what they’re afraid of. 

Most often than not, your worst fears have already happened to you so it generally means what you or your partner fears has already occurred.

9. Have you been to therapy before?

Of course, if you’re asking this on a first date it may come across as a little odd, so maybe save it for the second. 

You can then follow up with a number of other questions that can give you some insight into your potential partner like what encouraged them to go to therapy and how the experience was.

These are all perfectly valid questions and can give your date an opportunity to talk about themselves and their mental health in a more open way. 

It also shows them that those topics in particular are important ones to discuss – it’s not something they should hide or be embarrassed by.

In some cases, someone may never have been to therapy before, and that doesn’t mean they can’t or won’t try new things or attend with their partner. 

In fact, this could be a great opportunity for two people who care about each other to embark on treatment together.

10. What are your deepest passions in life?

This is a great question to ask someone you’ve just met because it will help you understand them on a deeper level. 

If you continue to date this person, chances are that your relationship will involve spending lots of time together, so why not make sure that you’re both passionate about things that also interest each other?

A person might not be able to share how they feel about the big questions in life, but asking about their dreams for the future and what drives them in their work can reveal a lot about what kinds of goals are meaningful to them. 

Asking about their hobbies is an easy way to get started, but this could also widen into discussions of places they want to visit or experiences they want to have.

11. Where is your dream travel destination?

Finding out which foreign destinations your partner has their eye on can be a great indicator of the type of relationship you’re both pursuing. 

If they say anywhere, for example, that might mean that the journey matters more to them than the end. 

But if they pick a single place, you may have an idea of what kind of trip they want to take with you (and whether or not you’d be willing to go along with it).

On the flip side, you should know where your dream destination is before suggesting this question. 

If your answer is similar in specificity to theirs, then this could be further proof that you two are compatible as travel partners (in addition to everything else).

Going somewhere meaningful together – instead of every-other-year anniversary trip – is one way to form a deeper bond over time.

12. What would you do if anything was possible?

Asking this question will reveal several things about your partner. You’ll learn what they would do if they could do anything, which shows you what they really want to be doing with their life. 

It will also show you how motivated they are to get there. If they come up with an answer quickly and have a solid plan for how to make it happen, that’s great! 

If not, that’s okay too – but it might provide some insight into the level of drive your partner possesses.

13. Where is your dream travel destination?

This question will tell you a lot about your partner, including whether they like to travel, what kind of vacations they enjoy, and whether the two of you share the same interests.

It’s important to be specific here and ask for a place instead of just “travel”, so you can learn more about them. 

Don’t just ask someone if they like to travel; ask where they want to go that they haven’t been yet and why. That will tell you a lot more.

If their answer has something interesting or special behind it – a personal connection or an experience – it’s also worth asking why that place is meaningful to them!

14. What is your definition of a perfect date?

This important question will help you figure out if you share similar interests. A great date can be as simple as going to a movie, but some people prefer more active dates like bike rides or going for a hike. 

If you and your date are both adventurous, then it is also fun to try something new together. For example, you could go on a picnic or play a game that neither of you has ever tried before. 

You could also go swimming at the beach or get ice cream and walk around town. Another fun idea is to go to a concert in the park with a picnic basket packed with food and drinks to share with your date.

15. What would you change right now if you could?

The best time for asking these types of questions about your relationship is when you’re in a new relationship, or after an argument. 

This will give you a chance to get perspective on how you feel and how they feel and talk about if there’s anything that could be done differently. 

Best of all, it’s also the best time to talk about what you want out of a relationship because having a solid foundation will make things easier down the road.

16. How do you feel about marriage?

Th can be a great question for a new relationship because it can give you a sense of how your partner feels about something that’s been portrayed in so many ways in the media and pop culture.

The varying answers to this question will tell you a lot about your partner, from their religious beliefs – if they have any – to their definition of cheating.

You will also get an answer that gives insight into how they were raised and what types of marriages they saw growing up. If they answer with the belief that marriage isn’t anything special, that tells you a lot about them.

Questions like these keep communication alive and flowing between partners so there are no surprises down the line!

17. How do you typically spend your free time?

It’s great to see if you and the person you’re dating are on the same wavelength. 

Are they a homebody who loves to cook and read or are they an adrenaline junkie who is looking for their next adventure? 

You can also see what kind of values and interests you have in common. 

Do both of you value spending quality time with your loved ones? Is there anything that both of you enjoy doing together, whether it be cooking a new recipe, exercising, or going to a museum? 

This is one of the questions that help you see if you have similarities in spending your free time together.

18. If money or time wasn’t an issue, how would you spend your time?

The kind of life someone wants to live is often reflected in the way that person spends his or her time, but not always. 

Many people find themselves doing things for reasons other than personal fulfillment – most often related to making more money, but sometimes because of external pressures like parental expectations or cultural norms.

So once you’ve asked this question, let them tell you everything about it without judgment. 

In fact, it’s best if your answer reflects their interests too, if possible so that you can keep the conversation flowing. 

This will help them become more comfortable talking about themselves with you going forward.

19. Have you experienced any trauma?

Asking this question can benefit you and your partner, in more ways than one. Asking someone if they’ve experienced trauma is crucial to understanding who that person is at their core. 

For example, imagine a time when you were stressed and overwhelmed. More than likely you responded to that stress by lashing out or being short with people closest to you. 

The same can be said for those who have endured a traumatic experience. By asking this question, it shows that you are willing to listen to your significant other’s story, no matter what it may entail. 

In the event that the person has experienced trauma in their life, talking about it is a good way for them to cope with what happened and understand what may be happening now due to how the event made them feel then.

20. Do you still communicate with your exes?

Do you still communicate with your exes? Do you have any exes who are now friends with benefits? 

Ex-boyfriends and girlfriends can sometimes maintain close friendships. Do you consider yourself friendly with any of your former partners?

It’s possible – and not uncommon – to stay friends, especially if the breakup was a mutual decision and there are no hard feelings or lingering romantic feelings. 

But, if your partner is still hung up on an ex, it could be a red flag for you. If they do remain in contact, ask how often the two communicate. 

If it seems like they’re still attached at the hip, even if they claim there is nothing romantic going on anymore, that could be cause for concern.

21. Do you believe that exes can stay friends?

A relationship with a person who is still in love with an ex is a toxic situation that will inevitably end up hurting someone. 

If your partner believes that exes can remain friends but has not been able to do so, that could be a red flag about them not being fully over their ex.

By asking this question, you can discover if the person you’re dating has ever been able to successfully stay friends with an ex. 

You will get information about what they view as healthy and unhealthy behavior in a relationship, which can help you determine if the person you’re dating is emotionally available for a new relationship.


So, if you’re curious about someone you’ve recently started seeing, these ’21 questions for a new relationship’ might help you get to know them better. 

At the same time, they’ll also help you figure out whether this person is someone you want to invest more time with. 

In other words, even if your relationship is fresh and new, these questions are a good way to get a clearer picture of your partner. 

And who knows? Maybe the answers will even help inspire some great topics for conversations you can try on your next date!

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