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21 Questions for Adults

List of fun, flirty, sexy, and freaky '21 questions for adults' you can play with your partner or date. Read more ⇣
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Written By Erica
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I'm Erica. I love to help people in their relationships and spiritual lives. I've been through a lot of ups and downs, and I want to share my insights with you.
21 Questions for Adults

A great way of helping you to get in touch with your partner is to ask interesting questions that break the ice on conversations. 

A lot of people do not know what questions to ask when trying to get a conversation going. Especially when you’re building intimacy and connecting better, asking the right questions can help your relationship.

I’ve come up with 21 questions for adults that you and your partner can talk about at any time without fear of getting boring.

By the end of this article, you should get a better sense of what questions to ask on your next date night or when having a romantic dinner together.

Make sure you also check out my list of 21 questions for a new relationship, and for couples.

How to play ’21 questions for adults’?

This is the easiest game to play and the only thing you need to do is be honest in your answers.

To make the game more interesting, players can divide up the questions and give them points. If a player answers all of the questions correctly they win.

Let’s get started …

21 Questions For Adults

1. What’s the craziest thing that you’ve ever done in bed?

The beauty of this question is that it allows the other person to tell you what they think is the craziest thing you could do in bed, which turns out to be wildly different from what you might consider. 

Maybe your partner would like it if you whispered poetry or told them about the time you saw a live theater performance that was maybe too realistic. 

Maybe they’d like it if you started a new trend and brought food into bed with you (such as chocolate syrup, and strawberries). 

As an added bonus, asking this question can help bust any awkwardness that might come up when initiating sex. 

2. Do you enjoy talking dirty or naughty?

Asking this question will not only allow you to get to know someone a little better and see their personality, but it’ll also reveal whether or not they’re willing to be open about themselves. 

Knowing someone’s comfort level with talking about sex can be helpful in gauging where you stand on the same subject and whether or not you should continue a relationship.

3. What best represents your flirting style?

“What’s your flirting style?” is a great question to ask someone you’re trying to get to know. It can open up the door to a great conversation with another person, and it can also let you know what kind of person they are. 

Maybe he or she likes to use humor, or maybe they like to be playful with others. 

By finding out their flirting style, you’ll have more inside knowledge about them that might help you along in your budding relationship or friendship.

4. Do you prefer to have sex with the lights on or off?

This can be useful information to know, especially if the person you’re sleeping with is someone you care about, or if you’re curious about something and want some more information.

What’s your state of mind when it comes to sex? Some people like to be left alone in the bedroom – no lights, no distractions from anything else happening around them. 

Others enjoy being able to see their partner’s face and body or would like a dimmed light for a little ambiance during sexy time. 

There isn’t a right or wrong answer here – it all depends on you or your partner’s personal preference and comfort level.

5. What’s a dealbreaker in the bedroom?

A simple question, for sure. But don’t be fooled. When it comes to sex, things can get complicated. 

Sex is a unique activity because it’s typically one of the few times we’re all completely vulnerable with each other – physically and emotionally. 

And that means everyone has boundaries when it comes to their sex life.

 So asking your partner what his or her dealbreakers are in the bedroom is actually a great way to know that you’re on the same page without having to awkwardly interrogate them directly. 

It’s also an opportunity to tell them what your dealbreakers are, since they might not know!

6. When did you lose your virginity?

This is a question that can be asked in any context, whether during the first date or after the wedding. 

There are no right answers and no wrong answers, just interesting responses that can give you a better understanding of your partner’s past as well as their moral code. 

The reason this question is so great is that it should make you reflect on your own answer too. 

The only time I wouldn’t recommend asking this question is when you’re trying to land an exclusive one-night stand – since you won’t be seeing the person again, there’s no point in getting to know them.

If your partner doesn’t have a clear answer immediately available, try not to push them into giving an answer they feel uncomfortable with. 

Odds are they’ll come up with one on their own soon enough, but if they don’t feel like sharing their personal information (including age), then it’s perfectly fine to respect that!

7. Do you like to use any toys in the bedroom?

This is a fantastic question to ask your partner as you’re getting to know one another, whether you’re on a first date or deep into a relationship. 

It’s fairly intimate while also being very lighthearted and casual. Just think of all the things that you like to use in the bedroom!

So many options – and, sure, not all of them are for everyone. 

But if you have any interest at all in the bedroom activities of others, these responses can provide some fascinating insight into the desires of your paramour. 

What toys does he or she like? What about outfits? Or food? Or role-play scenarios? The possibilities are endless; just remember to keep it fun and engaging from both sides.

You may even find yourself dreaming up new ideas for how to spice up your sex life together!

8. Are you more Fifty Shades or The Notebook?

This is a great question to ask someone because it instantly reveals their inner romantic. It’s fun to think about, and it helps you understand the other person’s deepest desires and how they see relationships. 

For example, are they more into surprising gifts or blindfolds? Do they prefer passionate love-making or holding hands? Are they big on PDA or keeping things private? 

These are all important questions to keep in mind if you want to foster a long-lasting relationship.

9. Name the strangest place where you have had sex?

First of all, this is an awesome conversation starter! Who doesn’t like talking about the weirdest place they’ve had sex? You could say it’s an icebreaker with a little mystery. 

But I would argue that even if the question elicits laughter or a red face, it still feels like a low risk. It’s not like you’re asking them to relive their most embarrassing moment or confess something they’re ashamed of.

You might be surprised by your partner’s answer. What if your partner has had some crazy experiences? Maybe you’ll learn some new moves. 

Maybe one of you will volunteer to go first on a fantasy list that can hopefully be fulfilled over the span of your relationship. Maybe eventually, you’ll even live up to that list!

10. What is the biggest turn-on for you?

A question about turn-ons is a great way to start an open discussion about what excites your partner. 

Asking your partner what he or she finds exciting can help you figure out how to be more sensual and get him or her in the mood. Once you have learned this, it’s pretty simple how to please them. 

You might be surprised how this question can quickly turn around things in the bedroom and lead to a more satisfying sex life!

11. Is there anyone who saw you naked accidentally?

A good way to start your conversation is by asking your partner if they’ve ever accidentally seen another person naked. 

This is a great question because it will help you learn whether they’re a curious and bold person or a more reserved one. 

The answer also gives insight into how your partner handles uncomfortable situations, making this an excellent question to ask before committing to a long-term relationship where awkward moments are sure to occur.

Another benefit of starting with this question is that it can help ease the two of you into sharing more personal information about yourselves, which can be helpful if you haven’t spent much time together before now. 

This can make the entire exchange feel more comfortable since both participants are better able to trust each other and be open about what they share, which makes for an enjoyable experience all around!

12. If we got really drunk do you think we would end up doing something really funny?

Since this question acts as a litmus test for your relationship, it’s a good indicator of how much fun you can and will have together when you’re sauced. 

If they answer with some variation of “Yes, we would! We did that one time, remember? That was so great,” then it’s a good sign that your partner is on board with being an idiot and having a blast. 

They are able to laugh at themselves and have fun while doing it. Sounds pretty good to me!

This question also allows you to gauge their interest in the topic of having a lot of drinks with each other and doing something silly.

13. How do you define ordinary sex and making love?

There is no right or wrong answer to this question, but it can be very revealing to hear your partner’s thoughts. 

If they describe having sex with you as ordinary and don’t qualify what makes it so, you may feel hurt. 

On the other hand, answering this question thoughtfully could lead to a conversation about how the two of you might bring more passion into the bedroom.

14. How do you feel about the concept of exciting foreplay?

This is a great question because it shows that you want to get to know them better and understand their perspective. 

It also allows them to express themselves in an open way, and might even spark an interesting conversation. 

This is especially true if you’re dating someone new and want to get a better idea of what they’re like as a person – or in the bedroom. 

Most importantly, it gives you a significant idea of what kind of foreplay excites them and helps you both spice things up in the bedroom!

15. What do you wear while going to bed?

While this may seem like a fairly innocuous question on its surface, delving into the details behind your partner’s nighttime attire is actually pretty telling. 

Do they sleep in full pajamas? Maybe flannel bottoms and a tank top? Perhaps your partner likes to let it ALL hang out at night and sleeps in the buff.

What you wear to bed says A LOT about who you are as a person. If your partner sleeps in the nude, it could mean that they have confidence issues and aren’t ready for the next step of your relationship (or maybe just not ready for pants).

16. What were your feelings when you had sex for the first time?

Asking this question can be a great way to keep the conversation going with your partner. You might feel awkward or scared, you might feel like you’re not sure what you’re doing, or you might be excited. 

When your partner answers, they’re likely to talk about their own feelings, as well as what they think your feelings are.

17. Have you ever sexually fantasized about me?

This question is brilliant for a few reasons. For starters, it gives you information about what the other person thinks of you and your sexual chemistry. You also get to know how forward they’re willing to be. 

Are they thinking *about* it, or did they *do* it? And if so, do they want to tell you about it?

It’s also a great way to learn more about what turns the other person on. If you ask this question and find out that he is about the same things as you, then great! 

Especially if you just started dating and are carefully dipping your toes regarding physical intimacy, this is a great icebreaker.

18. What’s your favorite sex position?

Once you’ve gotten over the initial awkwardness of asking this question, it can be a lot of fun. 

If the person you’re talking to is up for it, you can have the conversation take on a whole new dimension and explore some of your fantasies with them. 

They may choose one of their favorite positions, or they may give you an answer that provides insight into their personality and gives you more to talk about.

19. What’s your guilty pleasure in the bedroom?

If you are genuinely curious, then there’s nothing wrong with asking your partner about their sex life or their sexual preferences. 

You’re not trying to judge them or embarrass them; you just want to know more about them and what they like. If that makes them uncomfortable or shy, then they probably aren’t right for you anyway.

But if they answer with enthusiasm and excitement, then you know that this is someone who is comfortable sharing intimate details of their life with you, and that alone can tell you a lot about whether or not they are the right person for you.

20. Do you have a sex playlist?

This is a great question to ask your partner because it helps you get to know each other in a fun and playful way.

The answer you receive can tell you a lot about a person’s personality. It can also be an opportunity for you to share something about yourself. 

For example, if your partner says that he or she does have one, ask them what their favorite song is on their list. Then share yours!

If this is the first time you’ve been together, it could be a good way to learn more about each other’s likes and dislikes – including music tastes.

21. What’s the weirdest thing that you’ve had playing in the background during sex?

It’s a great question because it allows both of you to share your weirdest stories. It’s also a great way to see how comfortable your partner is talking about sex with you. 

If they are shy, they may answer with something generic like “The Lumineers,” but if they are comfortable, they’ll tell you the truth.

If they come back with something like “I once had some Irish Folk music playing,” then that’s fine. You can always follow up with another question like “What was the song?” or “How did it make you feel?”


This article gives a great list of 21 questions for adults that you can use to get to know your partner better. Not only is it good for dating but also in a relationship too. 

We all have certain traits and things we are interested in that we start talking about more when we are comfortable with the person we are with. 

Hopefully, these 21 adult questions above helped you get past the awkwardness and build a foundation for future conversations.

Also, you should check out my list of dirty 21 questions to ask your crush 🙂

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