Moving in with your partner is a big step. But when is the right time? Six months after dating someone? A year? Two years?
Experts will tell you that “you should wait a minimum of one year after you start dating before considering moving in together, but two years is recommended”.
But the truth is, it’s really never about how soon is *too* soon to move in together.
There is no exact timeframe when it’s the best/right time to move in together because every couple is unique and moves in together at a different pace.
You will have to give up some things and be willing to compromise, but it can also be an exciting time in your life where you and your partner are able to share more of each other’s lives.
The reason you’re considering moving in with your partner is likely because you’ve been dating for a while, and you want to make your relationship more solid.
But there are things that can be overlooked along the way that could lead to a less than ideal living situation.
If this is something you’re considering, I’ve come up with some signs you’re ready – or aren’t ready – to move in together.
You should be able to gain better insight on whether moving in is the right decision or if you should tread lightly and slowly.
Here’s my list of signs to look out for that it might be too soon to move in together and you should wait – and signs that you are both 100% ready to move in together.
10 Signs You’re Ready to Move in Together
1. You’re basically living together already
Are you basically living together, with most of your stuff at their place? Are you spending most of your time together? Do they know all the intimate details about how your day went and vice versa?
Do you find yourself picking up each other’s habits, such as snacking after work while watching TV and needing to be reminded to do laundry more than once in a while (or ever)?
Moving in is often an emotional decision, so if this sounds like the case for either of you now, it might be time to make the leap.
You’ll have already “tested the waters” by living together temporarily or on weekends – now it’s time for something permanent.
You’ve both seen each other at your best and worst times – when one of you has bad breath after forgetting to brush their teeth or when one left dirty dishes in the sink overnight after binge-watching Netflix until 4 am (hey – it happens).
These are important things that will come up later once living together becomes permanent – but only if they get resolved beforehand.
2. You’re on the same page
If you’ve decided to move in with your S.O., you’re on the same page about some serious things. For starters, you should both understand that moving in together doesn’t mean marriage is next.
Sure, there’s no denying that it’s an action-packed step toward commitment and a big sign of trust and maturity.
But if one person is moving out of their own place into yours because they want to take the next step forward with their relationship (i.e., get married) while the other person is just trying to save money on rent, that won’t work so well.
3. You’re both financially stable
If you’re ready to move in together, you and your partner should have a lot in common. That includes finances.
There are a few things worth considering. How much do your cars cost? Does either of you own an apartment? Do either of you plan on buying furniture together? Are there any other big purchases coming up soon that will impact the financial picture (like buying a house)?
If one person makes significantly more than another – and especially if they’ve been living alone long enough that they’ve built up their own savings account and emergency fund – it may make sense for them to contribute more toward shared expenses during this transition period before moving into their new home together as equals financially speaking.
4. You’re both on the same level of commitment
There’s a lot of stuff to consider when you’re thinking about moving in with your partner. One important thing to consider is whether or not both of you are at the same level of commitment in terms of your relationship.
When we say “commitment,” we don’t mean just committing yourself to stay in the relationship – we also mean committing yourself financially, emotionally, and logistically (like picking up the other person’s mail).
Commitment doesn’t have to be a bad thing either! It can be really exciting when both people are fully vested in their partnership and ready for whatever comes next.
However, if one person isn’t on board yet with certain ideas or aspects of living together then this could cause lots of problems down the road. Just remember that it takes two people who want this for it to work out well!
5. You aren’t moving in to avoid a problem
Moving in together is not a solution to a problem. It’s a step toward more serious commitment, and the most definite sign that you’re ready to move in with someone is that you’re on board with both of those things.
Moving in together means accepting greater responsibility for one another’s lives, which can be scary if either of you isn’t ready for it.
If your partner wants to move in with you before they’ve established their own career or savings plan, this could point towards a lack of confidence in their ability to take care of themselves (or simply an unwillingness).
6. Your schedules are compatible
If you and your partner both have busy schedules, it can be difficult to find time to spend together.
However, if your schedules are compatible and you have plenty of time to spend with one another, then moving in together could be the next step for your relationship.
You need to make sure that there is enough time for both parties involved without compromising their personal lives or careers.
For example, if one of you works more than 40 hours per week while the other typically only work part-time or has flexible hours, then making room for all three may prove difficult.
If this is the case with your schedules, talk about ways that each person could compromise so that everyone gets their fair share of free time and availability to spend as a couple.
7. Your lifestyles are compatible
How you spend your free time is a good indicator of how well you’ll get along in the long run. If one of you is always on the go, while the other prefers to relax at home with a nice book, it might be hard to find common ground.
If you spend your money differently and don’t agree on how much things should cost or how much debt is acceptable for each of you to take on individually, this could be a sign that neither of you is ready to live together yet.
8. You’ve talked about the division of responsibilities
If you haven’t discussed how to split up responsibilities such as bills, cleaning, and chores yet, it’s time to start.
These conversations can be tricky because they force you to consider the practical realities of your lives.
If you’re both financially independent and not living in a tiny apartment with a shared bathroom, then splitting the rent is probably going to be easy enough.
But what if one of you is still paying off student loans or works from home? What about when one person wants to cook for dinner every night but the other likes takeout?
If one person ends up doing most of everything around the house while their partner sits on their couch every night watching TV, this isn’t fair – and it could cause resentment down the line.
It’s especially important that both people feel like they’re contributing equally when moving in together; otherwise, there’s no way things will work out long-term!
9. You can deal with one another’s messes
If you’re neat and your partner isn’t, you can’t expect them to change. If they are messy, then it’s probably best that you don’t move in together right away.
You will have to deal with their messes for the time being and clean up after them (if needed). If this doesn’t work for either of you, this may not be the best match.
You need to know that if your partner has a different lifestyle from yours (food habits or whatnot), it’s okay – but if their habits bother you then moving in together may not be the best idea at this point in time.
10. You deal with conflict healthily
Are you able to deal with conflict healthily? Do you listen to each other, recognizing that each of you has valid points of view?
Can you recognize that there is no such thing as a “winner” or “loser” in a relationship? Are both of you willing to make compromises for the sake of your relationship?
If so, then it might be time for the two of you to move in together. Living together is an important step – not just because it means sharing space and bills but also because it provides an opportunity for each person to see how they handle conflict with their partner.
7 Signs It Might Be Too Soon to Move In Together
1. You’re still in the honeymoon phase
If you’re in the honeymoon phase of a relationship, it’s too early to move in together. You are still at the high of your romance, so it’s difficult to see things from an objective perspective.
It’s also more likely that you will overlook some major red flags and ignore little quirks that might become big problems down the road.
Plus, living with someone for the first time means setting up boundaries and routines – both of which can be difficult during this period because they require compromise.
A good rule of thumb is that if a couple has been together for less than 6 months to a year, living together is probably too early (unless you have kids).
2. You’re still not sure about them
I’m sure there are plenty of reasons why you’re still not on board with moving in together, but let’s talk about one in particular – you’re not sure about them.
Is your partner kind? Do they make you laugh? Are they respectful and thoughtful, or do they act like condescending jerks at least once per week?
These are all important questions to ask yourself when considering whether it’s too soon to move in together.
It might be that after living with someone for a few months, the real them will come out and reveal themselves as a self-centered narcissist who doesn’t treat you well and leaves their dirty socks around the apartment.
3. You feel pressured to do so
You should not move in with your partner because you feel pressured to do so.
Similarly, if you’re moving in with someone and they’ve been pressuring you to do so, it could be a sign that they don’t trust or respect your judgment.
This may seem like an extreme example, but this is a common reason why people may decide not to live together until after marriage.
In general, if either person feels pressured by the other party’s feelings about living together then it’s probably too soon for them both.
They should wait until their partner respects their decision and is confident enough in their relationship before making such an important step as moving in together.
4. You get anxiety about moving in with them
If you find yourself getting anxious about your move-in plans, this isn’t something to be ignored. In fact, it’s an important sign that could mean you’re not ready to live together yet.
The reasons why people feel this way are many and varied. Some people worry about losing their independence or privacy, whereas others feel like they’re giving up too much control over their lives as a couple.
But whatever your reason for being concerned about moving in together is, it’s important to address those concerns before making any big decisions – and if necessary, postpone the move until further notice.
5. You haven’t seen them get angry or pissed
If you haven’t seen the person you’re considering moving in with getting angry or pissed, it might be a sign that you don’t know them well enough.
It’s important to understand what someone’s true personality is like – and how they handle conflict – before deciding to move in together.
You don’t want to find yourself living with someone who has anger management issues or doesn’t know how to communicate their feelings. This could potentially become a toxic or abusive relationship that will make you feel stuck.
6. You have doubts about your relationship
If you feel like your relationship is not going in the right direction, it’s important to talk about it with your partner. You may have doubts or concerns that they don’t know about.
You need to make sure they understand what isn’t working and how they can help fix it. Make sure you’re both on the same page about what needs to be done so that neither of you is left confused or upset afterward.
7. One of you still has commitment or trust issues
If you have trust issues, it might be too soon to move in together. Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship.
If you don’t trust your partner, then you can’t fully commit yourself to them and what they are offering.
If you feel like your partner doesn’t trust you, then that could be a sign that moving in together would be a mistake for both of you at this stage of your relationship.
If there’s no mutual trust and commitment between two people who are moving in together (whether it’s their first time or not), then they will end up becoming roommates instead of lovers – and roommates don’t usually live happily ever after!
Moving in with your partner can be a great way to take the next step in your relationship.
But it’s important that you are both on the same page and have the same expectations of what it means to live together. If you’re not, then it could spell trouble for your future as a couple.
How soon is too soon to move in together? What do you think? Let me know in the comments below.